Below is list item number 5 from my article/short e-book titled 10 Ways To Be Healthier and Realize Your Best Self which is available on www.3-pillarcoaching.com as a free gift for signing up for my email list and free newsletter. I will be posting list items, or elements of them every so often so keep checking the website and my socials for new blog posts, as well as the 3-Pillar Coaching YouTube channel (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLmDXuROiDWJ4OQsmr_OELw) for the latest videos! Oh and to watch the video I made in which I discuss in a bit more detail some of the concepts in this list item click this link: https://youtu.be/qbVP9yGDBGQ
5. Get In Touch With What You Really Want and Why
Here is where shit gets real! Remember in the introduction I said that doing the deep work necessary for real life-changing growth may be uncomfortable? Well, buckle up buttercup. Put on your big girl/boy pants. It’s time to dive in!
This is where we peel back the layers and find out what you really want and why. And I am not talking about what you SAY you want. I’m Talking about the REAL thing. And I am not talking about why you say you want it. I’m talking about the REAL why! The why beneath the why. Read that again because it’s mildly important. Dig deep and step into that space of vulnerability and take stock of your big motivating factors (your big MOFO).
As your coach, I may ask, “What is it you want?” You may respond, “I would like to meet an amazing, attractive person, fall in love, and have a solid partner in my life.” But what if I said,
“Ok, what if I could snap my fingers like a genie and have that come true for you, but the condition is that in this relationship you will never feel supported, understood, fulfilled or nourished in any way. In fact, you will feel empty, diminished, and fucking miserable for the rest of your life.” Would you still want it? You would hopefully say, “Hell no!” Because what you really want is to have deep companionship, unconditional love, fulfillment, and a partner that is by your side no matter what.
We could go deeper still, peeling back layers until we get to the real thing you desire in your life. “I want a Ferrari”! Do you, really? Do you want the car or the way it makes you feel? What if the Ferrari made you feel like shit? Would you still want it? Hopefully the answer would be another “Hell no!”. May what you really want is to feel validated, seen, invigorated, alive. Maybe we could explore ways for you to have that in your life that don’t cost $400,000?
This can be applied to health, success, and so on. There is the common, “I want to lose 15 pounds” sequence. After some deep coaching we go from “I want to lose weight” to “I want to look better in my cloths” to “I want to feel better about my body” to “I feel like the spark is gone in my relationship and I want to reconnect with my partner”. Ah, now we are getting somewhere!
Apply this principal to success in business or career. What does success really mean for you? How will you know when you have it? What particular thing will change in your life? Then go deeper still. Peel that protective layer back and expose the thing you may not have been aware of or didn’t want to face.
This process of deep introspection is uncomfortable because the emotional honesty and sense of self required to get there, to that core thing inside us screaming to be nourished, pushes past our edges of where we are comfortable and safe. But what has kept you comfortable and safe is the very thing that has kept you stuck. Get in touch with and embrace these deeper layers of your REAL “whats” and “whys” and watch your sense of passion and purpose take a more profound role in your life.
Now get to work dammit!
